Back when my kids were little, I had a heck of a time running our household. Dean was gone long hours working and at one point I had three little ones under four and a half. Part of my struggle was limited to obvious things like lack of time and lack of sleep. But a whole lot of my stress had to do with other things more closely related to how I’d set up our home – or rather how I’d not set up our home.
I could have made that season and the ones following it much easier, much sooner, if I knew then what I know now…and what I’m going to share with you here.
If you feel overwhelmed by your home, like it creates more stress than joy, you’re not alone. I get it, I’ve been there too.
Key Takeaways TL;DR
- Many people feel overwhelmed by their home, leading to stress rather than support.
- Twelve signs indicate that your home is running you instead of supporting you, such as constant chaos and difficulty finding items.
- A supportive home enables rest, creativity, and peace, while an unorganized home adds to your mental load.
- It’s common to feel stuck in analysis paralysis when trying to manage home-related tasks; small steps can help.
- Recognizing the need for change is the first step; remember, your home should function well and be peaceful, not perfect.
When Your Spaces are Making Life Harder Than It Needs to Be
Our homes should support our everyday lives. They should be a place to rest, regroup and prepare to face the world in whatever capacity we’ve been called to.
But often, home is not a priority or we’ve not been taught how to manage it well. So instead of a place of rest and refuge, home becomes a place of mess, stress and overwhelm.
Does that sound familiar?
Here are 12 signs that the current state of your home is adding stress to your life instead of supporting it.
1. You’re often late because you can’t find things
The mad rush to get out of the house in the morning (or afternoon, or evening) is so chaotic that you find yourself late more often than not because you can’t find something…that other shoe, your hairbrush or the kid’s permission form.
Why this matters:
When your home doesn’t support daily rhythms, everything feels harder than it should.
2. You rebuy items because you can’t locate them
This is often the twin to being late because you can’t find things…wasting money buying that new can opener or mittens because you can’t find the ones you already have. And to make things worse, eventually you’ll stumble across the original item and then you’ll also have a duplicate to manage and store.
Why this matters:
When you do this, you waste money on things you don’t need and create even more mess by bringing unnecessary things into your space.
3. You tidy but things never stay tidy
While tidying is an ongoing task in all homes, this is different. In a supportive and calm home, tidying is easily manageable with a few key habits. In an out of control home, you feel like you tidy constantly, but your home still never looks or feels tidy.
Why this matters:
You’re like a hamster running in its wheel, always running but never getting anywhere.
4. You avoid certain rooms entirely
Maybe it’s the spare room, your home office, or just a closet. But you can’t remember the last time you ventured inside your “room of shame” with your eyes wide open because it’s just too stressful.
Why this matters:
You should use and enjoy your WHOLE home, not just some of it.
5. You feel a spike of stress when someone says “I’ll stop by”
You cannot imagine ever being okay with this, but it’s more than just your introvert-self not wanting company.
You don’t need a “magazine-worthy” home but you also don’t want to feel embarassed by your home. So you avoid hosting, say “next time” (not actually meaning it), or stress-clean for an hour before they arrive.
Why this matters:
When your home creates stress instead of welcome, it’s not supporting life-giving human connections.
6. You can’t relax until the house is “done” (but it never is)
A house always needs some maintenance to keep it clean and tidy, but this is more than that. This is stress upon stress because you know you need to have some downtime in order to function, but you just can’t because things are such a mess. You sit down with a book, your phone, or a cup of tea and immediately feel:
- guilt
- pressure
- restlessness
Because your brain is tracking everything that still feels unfinished.
Why this matters:
A supportive home allows rest inside it, not only after it’s perfect.
7. You move piles instead of resolving them
Pile, piles, piles everywhere. School papers, clean unfolded clothes, dirty dishes. But instead of tackling them and having them be done, you just keep moving them from one spot to another with no end in sight.
Why this matters:
This is the ultimate version of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. And it’s exhausting.
8. You don’t know where to start, so you don’t start at all
Analysis paralysis. It’s super common in many areas of life. But it makes my heart sad when women come to me so overwhelmed by their homes that they don’t know where to start getting them under control and bringing some peace and calm back into them.
So nothing happens… even though the desire is there.
Why this matters:
This isn’t laziness, it’s decision overload.
9. You feel like your home creates more work instead of supporting your life
Rather than walking into your house/apartment/townhouse at the end of a long day and breathing a sigh of relief at being “home” – all you feel is stress because there’s so much more that needs looking after there.
Your brain is always tracking:
- clutter
- mess
- unfinished tasks
- things that “should” be done
Instead of letting your home support:
- rest
- family life
- creativity
- peace
Why this matters:
A supportive home reduces mental load, it doesn’t add to it.
10. You have to clean before you can cook, bake, or play
It’s not just a preference, you have no choice but to clean up in order to be able to cook, bake or play because things are so messy.
Why this matters:
If you’re always faced with mess and can’t enjoy your home and activities inside it, what’s the point of having a home?
11. Your home feels louder mentally than your actual life
You can feel the house and all it’s mess and it’s causing you stress. Maybe even more stress than anything else in your life.
Why this matters:
Again, home should be a place to rest and regroup so you can handle life’s other stresses. It shouldn’t cause more stress!
12. You’re always “behind,” even after cleaning
You feel like you’re never going to catch up, even after you’ve spent endless hours tidying or cleaning.
Why this matters:
At some point you’ll just want to give up, if you don’t already. And that doesn’t serve you well at all.
FAQs
No, not even a little. The skills and habits you need for a calm, peaceful, supportive home are totally learnable, one small step at a time.
That’s very common and normal! It can be very hard to pinpoint the best starting place when you’re staring at the whole mess. Small guided steps from someone who’s been there will help.
Yes! Home affects your mental load everyday, even if you haven’t been consciously aware of it until now. A supportive home makes rest, connection, and daily life easier
You’re not alone. But you also don’t need to wait for everyone else to change. Focus on the changes you can make.
It’s okay. You’re not behind and you don’t need a perfect restart to begin. January doesn’t have to be some big reset. Eacy day is a new day. Just start today and go from there.
No. There is no perfect home. Really. It’s about having a home that supports your life. One that functions well, is peaceful and easy to live in.
Things will start to feel a little easier. You’ll locate things easier. You’ll dread certain rooms less. You’ll feel calmer walking through your front door. And you’ll notice that you have fewer “mental tabs” open.
Don’t You Want Something Different?
If you recognized yourself in even one of these signs, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed at home. It means your home is asking for support. But you don’t have to figure out where to start on your own...
The Calm Happy Spaces Challenge is a supportive place to begin, not to fix everything, but to take the first clear steps toward a home that works with you instead of against you.